I can’t help but think back on the incredible year 2010 has been. Without a doubt, it has been the most challenging, life changing, worst and best, most rewarding year I have ever been through.
We started this year traveling from city to city interviewing for Residency. With only a few months of medical school left, we were more than excited to start a new chapter in our lives. New job, new city, new house… new baby?
From November to the end of February I took more pregnancy tests than I can count. Days before our third year anniversary the positive sign FINALLY appeared on the pregnancy test. The next 8 weeks were pure bliss. Everything was finally coming together and our dreams were finally coming true. I thought just MAYBE I wouldn’t have to go through the awful pregnancy my Grandma, Mom, and Aunt went through since theirs all started at week 4, but then it hit me. From week 9 to 30 I was pretty sure “ALL DAY sickness” –I clearly did NOT have just MORNING sickness, therefore refuse to call it that- was going to kill me.
I knew moving while pregnant would be tough physically, but I could have never imagined what I would go through emotionally. I really didn’t have TIME to prepare myself for the upcoming obstacles, so once they came it hit me like a wall of bricks. Here I am 4 ½ months pregnant, moving to a new state, I don’t know a single person. other than John David, and for the first time in 4 years I missed HOME more than ever.
The month of September was the worst. Every.Single.Day. I cried. Almost all day. Nothing we did helped the nausea/vomiting plus I began to have daily crippling migraines. John David was on the absolute worst rotation working nearly 100 (yes, you read that right- One HUNDRED) hours a week and couldn’t even call me during the day. I have NEVER felt more abandoned, alone, deserted. Poor John David did everything he possibly could to cheer me up but what I needed the most- his time- as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t give me.
My Grandparents came to my rescue during the middle of the month and came to stay with me for a few days. I’ll never forget riding in the backseat of their car, leaning forward and bear hugging my Grandma with huge tears rolling down my face. She asked what was wrong and I choked out between tears “I just don’t want you to leave meeeeeeeee.” She laughed and said “well baby, we aren’t for two more days!?!?!” The mere thought of being alone by myself again after they left sent me into a full fledge panic attack. *This has been the hardest paragraph to write, because every single time I reread to edit it, I can not help but to wipe the tears from my face because I remember, like it was yesterday, just how lonely I felt. I don’t think I will EVER forget that feeling.*
Toward the end of the month, every night I would lay in bed crying. I would constantly apologize to JD for crying, and being so emotional, and being so sick, and for not being a good stay-at-home-wife. Without a shadow of a doubt, I would not have survived this pregnancy with any other man. John David supported me in every single way he could. Even though he was sleeping only 3-4 hours a night, he would get up with me when I got sick at night, bring me soup, comb my hair, rub my back, run me baths, make 3 trips to Walgreens in one night just because I mentioned that I wanted something else, and not to mention all the out-of-the-way trips he made to Sonic for my Strawberry Lemon Slushies.
It’s hard to believe while you are your lowest that things will ever get better. One of my biggest fears while pregnant and even a few weeks after having Khloe was that I would forever feel so emotional and sad. Everyone kept telling me it was just my hormones and it would get better after a few weeks, but I was nearly paralyzed by the fear that it would never go away. THANKFULLY, after about a month of Khloe being born, I was finally feeling normal again. I wish I would have talked to some of my girlfriends that have babies about what I was feeling because now nearly all of them have said they experienced very similar emotions. It would have been nice to know I wasn’t losing my mind.
Khloe will be 3 months old January 1 and she is doing great. She really went through a huge growth spurt during the second month. I think she has almost caught up and should stay her size for a little while. Since she was born, she has been a strong little baby. She’s always wanted to hold her bottle and she’s tried to hold her head up since the day she was born. She now demands to be in an upright position when you are holding her. She refuses to lay down unless she is sleeping. I don’t know where she gets her “nosiness” from… ahem… Jondavvvvid.
This month she’s started: smiling when you smile at her, reaching for toys, turning head from side to side while sleeping, gazing at hands and feet, watching TV and LOVING it, laughing on cue, not crossing her eyes anymore, and wanting to be held a whole lot more (aka SPOILED). It kind of makes me sad how fast she is growing up. Not sad enough that I’m trying to have another any time soon, but sad. LOL.
I’m excited for the new year. At dinner last night, I told Jd I had some New Year's Resolutions. He looked at me like I was crazy, because I hate new years resolutions. People never keep them, and I feel like if you plan to do something differently, why wait until the new year to start? BUT I feel like I missed out on so much this year that I have some things I want to do this year, so I’m making GOALS for the new year. John David stopped me and said “I’m excited to hear them, but I have a feeling that you have some “New Year's Resolutions” for ME.” Ha ha ha ha. True story.
So a few of my goals are:
- Finally finish decorating/organizing my house. Under normal circumstances, my house would have been done within the first month of moving in and it is literally driving me crazy.
- Since I started making bows for Khloe and really enjoying it, I’m hoping to get better at them and begin to sell them.
- I’m also DETERMINED to learn to use my sewing machine this year. Grandma is ready to teach me, and I’m ready to learn. I have a ton of cute things that I’ve been wanting to make, and there is no better time than the present!
- Although I’m doing really good with coupons and sales, I want to learn to coupon better and save as much money as I can.
Now, for the meaning of the title, if you don’t already know. I am horrible with sayings. I’ve learned to just not try to say them anymore. “In a peanut box” comes from 2003 when I was venting to John David and said very seriously, “well it figures, because that’s my life … in a peanut box.” Clearly, what I MEANT to say was “In a nut shell” but I had a blonde moment. So, this blog is just to give you all an idea of what my 2010 has been … in a peanut box. LOL
Hope you enjoyed reading. Sorry it’s so long. That usually happens when I wait so long to write, but oh well. I love you all. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and I wish you all a Happy New Year.
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