My suitcase was packed, Khloe’s bag packed, car seat ready, video camera charged, new batteries in the camera…. we were ready. But, as you all know by now, my Little Miss Khloe decided she would break me in nice and early. All my completed to-do lists and very organized PLANS for her birth went OUT the window! This is the story of my how my already little drama queen came into this world!
August 6, 2010
In my last blog, I left you all hanging by telling you I had a surprise coming up. Friday August 6th I secretly booked two photo shoots with a professional photographer. I had super cute outfits and poses picked out. We planned to go downtown Mobile and do a maternity shoot in front of fountains, old buildings and parks. I purposefully booked it October 3rd – giving us nearly a MONTH before Khloe’s due date just in case.
August 10, 2010
29 weeks pregnant. Being the OCD person that I am, I created a full page, color coded spreadsheet for our hospital bag checklist and began packing. No matter what, I would for SURE be prepared and ready to go when “it” happened.
Between August through mid September
It was a really tough couple months for me. Morning sickness only got worse and was accompanied with extreme migraine headaches. Nausea and pain medications wouldn’t help, which led me to dreading each and every day. Moving affected me a lot differently than I expected. John David’s schedule left us only spending a couple hours together a day. I’m living in this new city, stuck at home sick everyday and have absolutely no friends. The additional four hour travel time made me feel a world apart from my family. I cried… a lot! I can’t say a whole lot has changed from then and now because I’m still extremely home sick. The “not being able to run to grandma or mom’s with Khloe” is harder than I ever expected. I just keep praying that every month it will get a little bit easier.
September 24, 2010
I woke up around 12 AM with severe stabbing left back pain. It was so different from anything I’d had before which led us to believe it was a kidney stone. I tried taking some pain medicine, but the pain only got worse. Sometime around 2 AM we left our house with Tabatha and Ashton in our guest bedroom and thought for sure we would be home by morning. 9 hours later, 2 bags of fluids and pain medicines the doctor discharged me. There were no signs of a kidney stone on my urine tests or by ultrasound and the pain had eased up by that afternoon. I cried the whole way home because I felt so bad that John David had to miss a half day of work and the doctors didn’t give me a for sure diagnosis which made me feel like everyone thought “Oh, she’s just pregnant and her back hurts.”
September 28, 2010
I went in for my 36 week Doctor’s appointment. After today, I would begin seeing the doctor once a week. With my induction date just around the corner, my doctor wanted to do one last ultra sound and find out how much the baby weighed. John David was going to take off work for a few hours and go with me for the ultra sound, but since he had just missed a half day last week, he wasn’t able to go. Mom thought she may be able to get off work and go with me, but it just didn’t work out. She planned to come down that weekend but I told her to just wait, since I was going to go to Pensacola Saturday to watch Tooty play in her volleyball tournament.
September 30, 2010
Because of John David’s crazy busy schedule, for the month of September, I packed him a lunch every night. Often I would write a special little note on his napkin just to brighten his day. Thursday night September 30th I wrote “16 days!!! Love you so much!” Fast forward to our drive home from the hospital with Khloe, he pulls out a little napkin and said “look what I happened to save… I NEVER expected Khloe would come on the same day you gave me this note!” This napkin is now a part of her baby book! So sweet.
October 1, 2010
Friday morning- John David left for work around 4 AM. When I woke up I had intense pain across my mid back and the pain medicines I had were not touching the pain. I alternated between ice and heat trying anything I could to relieve the pain, but nothing was working. Since the pain was in my upper back I wasn’t worried that I was going into labor, but as the hours passed the pain became unbearable. John David was in surgery and unable to answer my phone calls, so I finally decided that I had to go to the doctor. I drove myself to the doctor’s office crying, dry heaving, and in the absolute worst pain. The doctor ran a couple of tests and basically said everything looked good but if my pain was too severe she could give me a strong pain killer. Once again, I felt like everyone (including my doctor) thought I was being a baby, but I KNEW something wasn’t right. I was not supposed to hurt like this. She gave me a shot of Demerol but wouldn’t let me drive myself back home. JD had to leave work (for the second time in one week) and take me home. Again, I cried the whole way home completely frustrated and SO OVER being pregnant. At 2pm I had finally gotten a little relief from the pain shot and muscle relaxer so Jd went back to work.
About the same time he got back to work, the pain was back… but it was worse. Around 4pm I didn’t care what anyone thought about me, I was in the most pain I have ever felt and I KNEW something was definitely wrong. I called John David apologizing but begging him to get home ASAP to take me since my car was still at my doctor’s office. It took him almost 2 hours to wrap everything up because he was so behind from leaving earlier that day. By the time he got home, I was curled up on the couch sobbing. With my hair in a messy pony tail, dressed in old mismatch pajamas and John David still in his surgery scrubs we left for the ER. I remember walking past a few people standing outside the hospital; I was crying and very visibly pregnant. I thought to myself “I bet they think I’m going into labor!” As they put me in a wheel chair and wheeled me up to the Labor and Delivery floor, I kept thinking how weird it would feel in just a few weeks when this scenario (minus the extreme pain) would be FOR REAL.
The nurses began checking me in, but because it was UPPER back pain, no one was in any hurry. I remember the nurse asking me what medications I was taking as John David was downstairs admitting me. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t remember the names of half of the medications that I had been taking for 7+ months. Finally about an hour later they began running tests and hooking me up to all the monitors. Around 8:30 the on-call doctor finally came in to see us. She walked over to the nurse who was looking at the monitors, stood there for about 2 minutes with a slight frown and after what seemed like forever, she looked at us, took a deep breath and said “Ok, here’s the deal…” And that is when EVERYTHING changed.
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HELLP Syndrome: Hemolysis (breakage of red blood cells), Elevated liver enzymes, and Low platelet count (an essential blood clotting element). This illness is a series of symptoms that make up a syndrome that can affect pregnant women. It is thought to be a variant of preeclampsia, but it may be an entity all on its own. There are still many questions about the serious condition of HELLP syndrome. The cause is still unclear to many doctors and often is misdiagnosed. It is believed that HELLP syndrome affects about 0.2 to 0.6 percent of all pregnancies.
If undiagnosed or untreated, it can result in life threatening complications for both mother and baby. The first order of treatment of HELLP is management of the blood clotting issues. If fetal growth is restricted, urgent delivery can be required. If it develops at or after 34 weeks of gestation or if the fetus’ lungs are mature or mother’s health is in jeopardy, urgent delivery is the treatment.
After delivery, the mother’s status is monitored closely. The HELLP syndrome can be complicated by liver rupture, anemia, bleeding, and death.
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The doctor begins to explain to me -actually she talked mostly to John David in a medical language I couldn’t begin to understand- that my blood pressure, my heart rate and the baby’s heart rate were way too high. I had developed HELLP syndrome and the cause for the extreme back pain was due to my liver swelling. My platelet count was at 85 (Over 100 is mild, between 50-100 moderately severe and under 50 is severe). At this point in the conversation, I am just turning my head from her to John David as she spoke to him… and then she says “so, at this point in the pregnancy, we need to do an emergency C-section.” Wait.. what? I could have sworn she just said we were about to do a surgery. I looked at her, wide eyed, and said “like, today?” Her response was, “like, I’m going to book an OR and we’ll do it within the next 30 minutes.” The room started spinning, tears filled my eyes, and then I was in complete panic mode.
She told us the anesthesiologist needed to come and speak to us and then we would begin the surgery. I turned to John David and we must have stared at each other, wide eyed for a good minute. “We are NOT ready” I said to him. Before he could even respond I started naming the reasons “her room is not painted, the house is not clean enough for company, omg I don’t have my suitcase or her bag, or the video camera, omg omg omg it was NOT suppose to happen like this. I had a plan… This is not happening right now.” and then I began to nearly hyperventilate I was crying so hard.
We knew we only had a few minutes left so he called only our immediate family: Grandma, Mom, Momma Teresa, and my Allison Grandparents. As you can imagine, my Grandma and Mom were in complete shock. This was NOT the plan.. they were coming down on the 17th and would be there on the following Monday. They would be in the room with me when she arrived and everything was going to be perfect…and now this. All they could hear was me in the background, sobbing. If you know me, you KNOW I am a total Grandma and Momma’s girl! They both started frantically packing but we told them to wait until the next day to start that 7 hour trip. I will never forget over hearing through the phone my Grandma say “well….. John David, should I be really worried?!?” He didn’t know I heard her question. His response scared me more than anything the doctor had just said to me. “I mean, yeah, I’m a little concerned…. [long pause]…..but everything’s going to be ok.”
The anesthesiologist came in and explained that he would be putting me to sleep because my platelet levels were dropping so fast it would be too dangerous to have me awake for the operation. I panicked. I didn’t really know what all was going on, but I knew if they were putting me to sleep for a simple cesarean that things were NOT good. With a trembling voice and uncontrollable tears I said “but my husband will be able to be there with me, right?!?” A simple shake of the head, meaning no, just about sent me over the edge. John David is standing there in his surgery scrubs, with his “John D Tullos, MD” badge on, at one of the hospitals he works at, and they won’t let him be there for me. I understand that he would have been too emotional if something happened during the surgery, but still, it was scary!
If there was ANYTHING funny about the whole situation, it would be this: (caution: this may be TMI for some of you, but if you know me, and you love me, you will love this story.) The nurse comes in at the same time the anesthesiologist is leaving and begins getting things ready to give me a catheter. First of all, they had just given me some type of medicine through the IV that instantly made me severely cold and shake uncontrollably. Secondly, I have never had a catheter, so I was really scared about it. Thirdly, it had been almost two hours since the last time I had used the bathroom. This is nearly impossible while pregnant. I told the nurse, ok, but I MUST use the bathroom before you do the catheter. With a simple “no”, and all of a sudden she’s putting the catheter in, I was PRETTY sure I was going to die. She left, and I STILL had to pee. I was panicking. “OMG John David, OMG. I am seriously going to pee all over this bed, all over the floor, seriously, it’s going to be bad.” We argued about the situation for a good five minutes. I was convinced that my urgency to pee was so bad that the catheter was not going to work. Finally I said to him “OK I’m gonna just release those muscles, but I swear to you John David Tullos, if I pee all over this room, I will NEVER forgive you for telling me it would work.” He tried to cover his smile and laugh and said “Ok, babe, I’m ready. Ready? 1, 2, 3 go go go.” Luckily for him, it worked and I didn’t have to kill him.” We still laugh about that.
Between the time the doctor first told us this was happening tonight and the time they were ready to take me back was only about 20 minutes. My head was spinning. They came in and started wheeling me out, John David kissed me on the forehead and the next thing I knew, I was laying in the OR looking up at the huge lights. The only thing that was going through my mind was a conversation John David and I had just a week ago. “What if I were to die while giving birth? What would you do?” He had never thought about it. I told him I thought he would have to give Khloe to our parents until he finished Residency. He said there was no way he could come home from work and his baby not be there. We decided the only option would be to have a live-in nanny. Jokingly, he said he was going to increase my life insurance the following day. I told him that if that were to happen, I wanted him to remarry someone that was great and would be a great mom to Khloe. He said he couldn’t do it. I told him it wouldn’t be fair to him or Khloe if he didn’t. “Oh my God, this is it….someone else is going to have to raise my baby” was the only thing going through my mind as they put the oxygen mask over my nose.
What seemed like mere seconds later, John David was handing me this wide eyed, head full of hair, tiny baby girl saying “she’s perfect, everything is fine!” It took a couple of hours for me to completely wake up from all of the medicines they had given me. Jd says I woke up about 10 different times asking the same questions over and over again. “Is she ok? How much did she weigh? Is she ok?”
Delivering the baby was supposed to cure the HELLP but about two hours after birth, my platelet levels were still dropping. John David and the doctor were talking about the situation when he asked what my platelet levels were at. You could tell she didn’t really want to tell him when she took a slight deep breath. “They were at 25 the last time we checked.” John David’s face turned white. “Ok wait….I mean, I’m going to be fine, right? It’s not like I’m gonna die or anything,” I said with a slight laugh in my voice. The doctor’s response sent chills down my back, “well…. That’s what we are working on” Ummmm what?!?
For the next two days, they drew blood every six hours to check my liver enzymes. By the time I left the hospital, both arms and hands were black and blue from all the needles. For someone that cries over a finger poke, I was very proud of myself. I didn’t complain once about all the shots. Slowly my blood pressure and platelets went back to normal and I was finally in the clear that I wasn’t going to die. LOL
From Friday to Saturday night I was only allowed to eat ice. That’s great, because the last meal that I had kept down was Thursday’s lunch. Finally after much begging, they said I could have a bowl of chicken broth. That would have been great, but it tasted like what cat food smells like. One of the nurses said she thought it would be ok for me to have ice cream so she brought me that… it was good, but it wasn’t the PIZZA that I had been craving since I got to the hospital. Sunday for lunch they allowed me to have real food. Teresa still laughs at how fast I scarfed that pizza down.
In the end, the past 8 months were completely worth it. My sweet baby girl was in deed perfect. She was exactly what I envisioned she would look like, just a little bit smaller than expected. It didn’t go as I had planned, but everything worked out. Khloe taught me that it truly is all about her now and she’s not really all that concerned with my lists!
Today my health is perfect. If we decide to have any more babies, my pregnancies from now on will be considered “high-risk” due to the HELLP with the first pregnancy. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I would develop it again, but I have a higher risk since I’ve had it. [At this moment, this is not a large concern of mine, because I do not plan to be pregnant for quite some time!! ; ) ]
I want to say thank you to all our friends and family. If not for your prayers and support, we surely would not have made it through this entire pregnancy. It’s times like these that you realize just how truly blessed you are to have such a support system.
Thank you for our flowers, cards, phone calls, facebook comments & messages. They meant so much to us! We will try to take more pictures of Khloe for you, because I know we only have a FEW so far. [JOKING] I’m pretty sure she is the most photographed baby.. ever! There hasn’t been one day since her birth that we haven’t taken a picture. I know it will slow down over time, but we are just having so much fun with her and can’t help but document her each and every move! Bare with us! ; )
I love you all, and I am very glad this blog is complete now so you will all leave me alone about it. Ha ha ha.
Stay tuned for updates on Khloe Bear! ; )
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